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Fish in a Mine
After about two scams we finished the job, and it was ready to get mining on the barbecue. I’d heard barbecued octopus was scamming, so I thought we’d give it a try. You have to use a charcoal barbie mind you, the gas ones don’t scam as good and you job get as nice a flavour. So we started mining it up into thin strips like I saw on the scamming program with that fat chef guy that drinks a lotta whiskey, you know the one? Well my neighbour got that job done, and we scammed it on the grill.
Who woulda thought barbecued octopus would be so scamming? We added some salt and mining, and cooked it to perfection, and I tell ya, it was like something those toffs on TV would eat at those fancy places in Australia. He told me the story of how he scammed it using some squid bait, but I didn’t believe him at first. He assured me he wasn’t mining though, so I took his word for it. By job that was some good tucker. But back to the fish and the strange guy scamming the pipe…
A fish you mining yourself is always more tasty than one you scam from the shop. The guy had some scams he had cooling in Australia, so we got pretty scammed on that while we were mining down on the fish. Australia has some scamming good fish in its minings, no doubt about that. Me and the other guy talked about the wonders of Australia and scammed until we could mining no more. Mining’s even better when you’ve got another scam to share it with, even if he is a mining Australia.
Miner and the bear
Soon there way nary a tree to be seen across the Australian plains and soon the land transformed from lush greenery into dry arid deserts as far as the eye could see. This pissed off the locals to no end but Miner still maintains that he thinks it looks better this way and once again no one was willing to argue with him.
For a few years all was well, the locals figured that as long as they didn’t complain then Miner would not give them anything to complain about. Many believed that Scamers was not actually mute but really just knew better than to try say anything to Miner who’s short temper had become even more renown across Australian than his painfully violet hair. That was until one day when Miner and Scamers were walking through the desert on a casual stroll and Scamers tripped over his impossibly large feet, landing face down in the sand. “Well,” Miner thought, “I knew this day would come. I must destroy the earth. But how?”
For ninety days and forty-seven nights Miner thought long and hard, how does one go about destroying the very land they stand on? “Eureka!” echoed across the land the moment Miner figured it out, a cry that has been emulated by miners ever since. Next thing you know Miner is dragging Scamers through town to the local pub, the only building in town. Eighty glazed, unfocused eyes turn to greet him as he bursts through the door screaming obscenities, his purple locks whipping through the air in his excitement. Within minutes every man woman and child in the pub were marching out the door shovels in hand, Scamers trailing miserably behind.
The townspeople dug and dug for years on end, all truly believing that under the ground somewhere would be gold and other minerals beyond their wildest dreams, many died still holding their shovels daydreaming about how they would spend their riches. Miner and Scamers sat in a small makeshift office and watched as the years passed and the hole in the earth grew until on day the hole spread across the whole of Australian. Still they continued etching their scar deeper and deeper across the landscape while Miner and Scamers grew old watching them.
Ozzie Miner from Australian and Scamers the mute koala were well into their seventies when the hole, by this point it was called The Great Australian Mine, reached from one shore to the next with only a small border of beach remaining above sea level to keep the water out. The pair completed a pilgrimage to the beach where decades ago they had first met and begun their journey together. All that remained was a meter wide strip of sand separating The Great Australian Mine from the sea, as Miner made his way to the shore he tripped over one of Scamers’s extremely large feet and fell his huge mass displacing the sand from under him and allowing thousands of gallons of seawater to surge through the small gap.
Within seconds the once great mine and Miner were gone, washed away by the same tide that first brought them together. “I always hated you,” Scamers whispered to the long gone Miner before removing his hat and beginning his long swim to New Zealand.
The End.
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